You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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