Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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