she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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