Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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