I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
