Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
