He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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