yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
