I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
