# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
