I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
