um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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