so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to be your penis for a week.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
