i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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