theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
