you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
