Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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