Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
