3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
