I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
