I can feel the alcohol in my calves
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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