Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂