I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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