6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
