she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
