Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(408): View more from California

420 ftw

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.

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(248): View more from Michigan

If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(339): View more from Massachusetts

Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".

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(860): View more from Connecticut

It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.

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