a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.