I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.