wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize