The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
