I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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