I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
