Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
