We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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