I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
