The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
3pm strippers are depressing
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
