i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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