She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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