my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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