shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
