found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
