I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I enjoy the company of your penis
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
