I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
