I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
