meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
