If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We need to rekindle our bromance
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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