The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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