so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
