do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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