FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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