What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
