The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
