not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
