You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
