I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
