I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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