Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I need to calm my uterus...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
