I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
