I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
