so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
