I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
