I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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