I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
