His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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