He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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