u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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