I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
