I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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