Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
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By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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