remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
