After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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