Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
