someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
