What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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