I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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