I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?