why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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