Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
