I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
