I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
