There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
