i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
