i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
