i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
