dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
