haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
