he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
