she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
